Oh bitty girl...I can still feel her and smell her as if I set her tiny body down but for a minute, just long enough to help Channing put on a shoe or to stir a hot pot of deliciousness on the stove in anticipation of WM's arrival home after a long day at the office. Today is her birthday. Her first birthday. Her first birthday since she both came into and left this world.
I cannot begin to explain the wealth of emotion that comes from trying to get one's head and one's heart around this day. The way my mood swings is manic. I can picture in my head our new house filled with family and kindred spirits and little people all around. The joy in the air is electric. There is a banner strung along the upper level railing exclaiming, Happy Birthday Sophie. There are strawberries everywhere. And dots. Lots of polka dots. I'm in a party frock as is she. WM is always within arms reach, beaming with pride. WC is underfoot as usual. And we're happy. Gloriously happy.
In reality, the day came upon us slowly. First WM and I alone in bed, holding each other, remembering where we were one year ago at that exact moment and sharing our tears. Then Channing woke and we were forced into action. Action it was. Non-stop. We tumbled into projects like water propelled down the falls, any excuse to hide our sadness, quick to turn away when the tears, barely under the surface, spilled over.
One of numerous projects completed today. Thanks Kel for the advice on how to hang these.
Your technique worked perfectly.
A few of us gathered in the evening for dinner. We appreciated the company of those who dined at our table. There should have been more. I wasn't brave enough to extend the invitation, not wanting to disappoint if the emotion of the day got to be too much and plans suddenly had to be canceled.
For dinner, WM made his infamous buffalo chicken on the grill. It is simply amazing. He has his grilling technique down to a very fine art. Very fine indeed. We had agreed upon a fancy dessert in honor of the Peanuttiest Little Girl. It must be delicate and beautiful and delicious. We melded together an idea for a layered chocolate meringue we'd seen on the Cooking Channel with Ina Garten's Berries Pavlova, a long-time favorite. The end result was everything we hoped it would be, down to the very last bite.
This will undoubtedly be tradition.
With dishes washed, we drifted from the dining room to the front porch. WM, Channing & cousin Tristan intent on making a bubble the size of a bus thanks to a kit brought by Grandma Kath. There we stayed until a little boy's bedtime chased us indoors and chased our guests away.
Tucking Channing into bed, we followed his bedtime ritual which includes singing Happy Birthday to the person of his choosing. Tonight, we sang to WM and then to Sophie. As Sophie's birthday song ended, he told me, 'Me make a really, really giant bubble a Sophie. It went up, up, up to Heaven. Sophie a [laughter]. Me make her too happy.' Yes, little buddy. You do.